A New Beginning
by BrightSide of Nowhere
Summary: An All Human Fic. Buffy is a new student in Sunnydale after leaving L.A. After a rocky past she has decided that she will live her life her a lot different. But her past isn’t done with her yet, and there is someone in this town who will be wrapped into t
1. A New School

Disclaimer- I own nothing of Buffy the Vampire and do not receive any profit for my writing.

Summary- An All Human Fic. Buffy is a new student in Sunnydale after leaving L.A. After a rocky past she has decided that she will live her life her a lot different. But her past isn't done with her yet, and there is someone in this town who will be wrapped into the whole thing.

Note- I decided that I would work on only two storied at a time. This one and Living Without you. I decided to do an all-human fiction since the other one isn't. Reed and Review and tell me what you think.

Chapter 1- A New School

Buffy walked into Sunnydale High with a certain flare to her. She seemed confident and unafraid of starting over at a new school. She walked as though she owned the school and that everyone else were unimportant. She automatically made Willow sick with disgust. She was just another blonde bimbo who would fall victim to the pressures of being popular in high school. She seemed somewhat disappointed as she saw Cordelia walk over to the girl.

Buffy walked into Sunnydale High scared shitless. Yet she knew better than to show it. It was like the Animal Kingdom, if you show fear you will get eaten. But if you approach with flare and confidence, you could be accept and not have to waste months of being someone's lap dog just for the chance to be a cheerleader and sit at the popular table. So as scared as she was, Buffy walked in like she owned the place. She walked down the hall the same way she had at her own school, like she was the most popular person there. The difference was that at Hemery High she was the most popular girl and here she was a nobody. A brunette in a short black skirt and a pink tank top approached her. This girl was the most popular in the school, Buffy could tell. Everyone looked at her, everyone noticed her, and since she was talking to Buffy, everyone noticed Buffy. Buffy was scared, a new feeling for her. She couldn't remember a time that high school had scared her. "Hello." The brunette said cheerfully. "You must be the new girl."

"Yeah. That's me. My name's Buffy."

"Cordelia." The brunette extended her hand towards Buffy. Buffy took it, feeling out of place in this conversation. Cordelia could have been the mirror image of Buffy before she moved. She dressed in all the latest fashions, had her nails perfectly done, and was wearing a whole lot of make up. She was exactly like Buffy. Or at least how Buffy used to be. A lot had to happen to Buffy to make her realize that being popular in school wasn't the only thing that mattered. "You are from Hemery right, like in L.A." Buffy nodded. "That is wicked cool. I would kill to live in L.A."

"Yeah. It's great."

"It is probably fifty times better than this town." They started walking down the hall, receiving stares and whispers. "So here I am, boring English. Why can't they teach us something useful, like how to talk your way out of a speeding ticket?" Buffy laughed knowing that she expected her too. Cordelia walked into the class and Buffy headed to the principal's office.

Buffy walked into the principal's office, her confidence and flare gone. She nervous and scared. She sat in front of the principal who was smiling at her. "Hello. Welcome to Sunnydale."

"Thanks." She replied.

"It says here..." He said looking at her file. "That you where kicked out of your old school for setting the gym on fire."

"Umm... yeah." She said with her head down.

"Well not that you should do it here, but it'd probably be an improvement if you burnt our gym down." He laughed and she stared at him. "Well don't you worry... here you are going to start with a clean slate."

"Great." She said without any emotion.

"Do you know how to get to your next class?"

"I can figure it out. This school isn't that big."

"Yes." He said. "I suppose compared to Hemery this school is a joke." He looked down, as though he felt ashamed that he was principal here.

"It's nice. I can't get lost as easily." She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"If you ever need anything my door is always opened."

"Thank you." She said and walked out.

He slammed the locker shut and cursed to himself. He took the piece of paper that was in his hand, read it and then ripped it up. He didn't notice the blonde staring at him until he had looked up. He must have been in between her and her way to class and he had obviously scared her. "What the hell are you looking at?" She was scared shitless of him and it made him laugh. He walked towards her and then left her standing there in fear of him. She was such a loser.

Buffy was walking down the hall when she heard someone slam a locker shut. She turned the corner in time to see a tall bleached blonde ripping a letter up and scattering the pieces on the ground. He was obviously very mad. He looked up and saw her and she was scared. An encounter with someone so early in her new school would look really bad. "What the hell are you looking at?" He obviously knew that he had effected her and was enjoying that. He began to walk towards her, but he walked right by her. Glad that he was out of her way, she went to class. After being introduced as the new kid, she sat down and thought about the encounter with the blonde. Her first thoughts where on how sexy he was, all angry and upset. She could tell that he was a passionate person. But he was out of her league anyways.

Buffy walked into the cafeteria and saw a redheaded girl sitting at a table all by herself. She decided to sit with her and walked over to her. "Hi." She said in her cheeriest voice. "Can I sit here?"

"Sure. Do you want me to move?"

"No." She smiled at the weakness in the girl's voice. She was already under the impression that she was a popular girl, one of the ones that would make fun of the plain way that she dressed. "My name's Buffy."

"I'm Willow."

"Nice to meet you Willow." She smiled at her and began to eat her sandwich. A guy with black hair walked over to them.

"Willow, Willow, Willow." He said to her. "Want to introduce me to your friend." He sat down in a chair and looked at Buffy.

"This is Buffy. Buffy this is Xander."

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." She replied. He was dorky in every definition of the word. She smiled a little, thinking about how she would have made fun of him had she still been at Hemery.

"How are you liking Sunnydale?" Willow asked her.

"It's all right..." Buffy's voice trailed off as the blonde that she had seen before walked into the cafeteria. Willow and Xander both caught the look as she followed him with her eyes. He walked over to Cordelia's table and sat down. Almost as soon as he sat down, five girls flocked to him.

"Ahh. Spike. You will not get anywhere near him hanging around us." Xander said.

"Yeah. He is like the most popular guy in school." Buffy smiled at the redhead, breaking her thoughts of the guy. If he was the most popular guy in school, she wanted nothing to do with him. She had been with guys like that more than once, and it wasn't worth getting hurt again.

"So what do you do around here for fun?" She asked. The two of them smiled.

Note-

Okay so I already wrote a note at the top about what I was doing so this is really just a reminder to review. Anyways I hope you liked the first chapter.


	2. A Night Surprise

Thanks for the reviews

Chapter 2- A Night's Surprise

The club was dark and comfortable. Buffy walked in with Willow and the two looked like complete opposites. Buffy wasn't afraid to wear a short black skirt and a fishnet top. Willow was wearing a conservative long black skirt and a pink top. Buffy looked around at all the people dancing and felt a little alone. Her she was with Willow and that nerd Xander, when she could have easily became a popular girl with Cordelia. But she didn't want that life, the life in which she lived in the spotlight and was scrutinized if she made a mistake. "There's Xander." Willow said. She bounced happily over to him and Buffy followed sullenly.

"What's up with you?"

"Nothing." She said in reply to Xander's question. Buffy sat, watching the people on the dance floor. She spotted Spike, the guy from the hallway, and her heart skipped a beat. She didn't understand why he had such an effect on her, or maybe she did. He was the most popular guy in school, with all the money and the attitude. He was the guy that she would have loved to date at Hemery. But she had decided not to live that way, not to date guys who were like that. He was fighting with some dark haired girl that she hadn't seen at school. "Who's that?" She asked Willow.

"Who?" Buffy pointed to the girl with Spike. "Oh. That's Spike's on and off girlfriend, Drucilla."

"Does she go to this school?" Willow shook her head in response.

"She goes to Sunnydale University. Although she treats it as a whore house rather then a school. I heard she has been with almost every guy there and several guys here. She's crazy too."

"Like seriously?" Buffy said. She had stopped looking at the two and was concentration more on Willow and her story. Willow nodded.

"Like she should be in a mental institute. She went psycho on day and bit Spike on the arm, yelling that he cheated on her. Problem was he never did cheat on her. He's real loyal to the girl he is dating; he's been that way since middle school. He loves Drucilla and she just runs around with whomever she wants."

"Sound's like he has the bad end of this relationship." Buffy said. She turned her attention back to the dance floor, only to see Drucilla dancing with someone who wasn't Spike. "Sound's like she doesn't deserve him." She said in a low whisper. Willow didn't hear.

Later that night, after convincing Willow to loosen up, Buffy found herself on the dance floor. Willow was crazy, dancing like she had never danced before, when it occurred to her that someone was watching them. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his blonde hair come closer to them, and she desperately wanted to leave, before he wrapped Buffy into the bitter feud between him and Drucilla. "Buffy!" She yelled. Buffy turned to her, but was so wrapped up in dancing with some guy that she didn't seem to care about anything Willow had to say. Willow stepped away from the dance floor and looked back. "Damn it." She said to herself.

Buffy was dancing with some guy when she though she heard Willow call her name. She turned around and the girl was gone. Oh well. She thought. She returned to dancing with the guy, when someone tapped her shoulder. She spun around and almost fell from shock. In front of her was Spike. "Mind if I cut in?" He asked, his English accent seducing her to say yes. He began to dance with her, touching her arms and back, making her feel like heaven. A slow song began and he looked at her for permission. She nodded and he took her in his arms. "Sorry I scared you earlier love." He whispered in her ear.

"It's fine." She said. After the shock of dancing with Spike wore off, she remembered the fight she had witnessed and Drucilla with the other man. It was then that she realized she was being used to get Drucilla back.

"My name's Spike."

"Buffy."

"What kind of name is Buffy?" He asked with a smile that made her heart melt.

"What kind of name is Spike?" He spun her, then spun her back into his arms as the song ended. He kissed her, and then let her go.

"Find me and I will tell you." And he left, out of the club and into the night, followed closely by Drucilla. Buffy's night just got amazingly better.

Willow had warned Buffy to be careful; Drucilla was crazy and would really hurt her if she thought that she was with Spike. But Buffy didn't care. She walked home, her head in the clouds, thinking about what Spike had said. 'Find me and I will tell you'. She wondered what that meant. She found her house easily; cause there was someone sitting on her front steps. Despite her better judgment, she just walked up to them. It was Spike. "Hey love." She was shocked to say that least, that in one night she would have so many encounters with the guy.

"How did you know that I lived here?"

"It's a small town." He said getting up. "Not that many people move in here without anyone knowing." She smiled at him.

"Okay. Then what are you doing here?" She figured that the best way to get the guy, despite her better judgment against him, she should play hard to get. She walked past him and sat down on the chairs on her front porch. Her mother wasn't home yet so she had nothing to worry about if she didn't go in.

"I was bored. I figured I'd talk up the new girl."

"And maybe get your girlfriend jealous in the process."

"Ahh." He sat down in the chair facing hers. "You've heard about Dru."

"Not nice thing's I am afraid."

"Yes. She is quite a crazy one. Love her to death though." Buffy had to admit that her heart sank with the thought that he loved her.

"Still haven't told me the real reason that you are here."

"I don't know to be honest. Just wanted someone to talk to who doesn't know my whole life story."

"Un huh." She said trying not to care. "What happened to the big bad guy who thought I was just some loser?" Spike had gotten up and was sitting on the railing of the porch directly in front of her.

"No loser..." He said walking around behind her and leaning to whisper in her ear. "Would wear that to a club in a town she just moved to." He said, letting his lips stay close to her ear. God she wanted nothing more then to kiss him. She said nothing at all to him. He returned to face her, then walked off the porch. He turned back to her and smiled. "Later Buffy." He said and walked away. Buffy sat there until her mother got home, thinking about him.

Buffy walked over to Willow that morning, wearing a pair of black jeans and a tight fitting black tank top. She had worn eyeliner that morning, making her look kind of dark. Willow was slightly amused at Buffy's not-so-subtle attempt to be the girl of Spike's dreams. All Xander cared to see was how hot she was. "Hey guys." She said cheerily, landing beside Willow. Willow smiled at her.

"Did you have a good night?"

"He was at my house when I went home." Willow was kind of shocked. She really thought that he was just using her to make Drucilla mad.

"Tell me about it." She said and Buffy began to tell her about the conversation. She could tell that Buffy liked Spike, but this wasn't the kind of guy that you wanted to get involved with. And Drucilla wasn't the kind of girl that would let you steal him away. Willow tried to listen; she could hear how much Buffy liked Spike, yet she didn't want Buffy to fall into his trap.

Buffy's day was pretty boring and her mom had forbidden her to go out that night, after she found her in a trance on the front porch the night before, four hours after curfew. After telling Willow and Xander that she couldn't go out, she walked home and opened the door. She skipped upstairs, put her stuff up and then looked around the house. Her mother wasn't home. She walked into the kitchen and found a note on the fridge. _I went to L.A. for the night. I will be back in the morning. Don't go anywhere. And don't have anyone over. _And that was it. That was all that her mother ever really said to her anymore anyways. I am going out. All she did was go out. She must have met someone. Buffy walked into her mother's room and began to run the water in the tub. She put bubbles in and let it run until it filled. Then she cut it off. She slipped her clothes off and went into her room to get candles and her pink satin robe. There was a knock on the door. 'Damn.' She said. She put the candles down, put on the robe and walked down that stairs. "Who is it?" She yelled.

"Spike. Mind if I come in?" She wondered what the hell he was doing here. She went to the door, gathered her self, and then opened it.

She opened the door in a pink satin bathrobe. He was a little surprise, but figured that he had caught her off guard. "Hey love." He said. He placed his hand at the open door and leaned in, trying hard to be sexy and persuade her.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" She instantly felt bad about her harsh tone and he could tell. "Sorry. I mean what's going on?"

"Nothing. Mind if I come in?" He needed a place to crash, but he wasn't about to tell her that. He could tell that she had a crush on him and that she didn't know him very well or Dru for that matter. He figured he would take advantage of her while he could. Maybe even get a little action out of her; he sure as hell wasn't getting any from Dru.

"You can't." He put on his biggest pouty look at her answer. "I don't keep meaning to sound mean, honestly. It's just that my mom isn't here, probably will not even come home at all, and I can't have anyone here." He smiled.

"Come on love. You don't ever dream of goin' against mum's word?"

"I can't Spike. Why don't you stay at Drucilla's?"

"Huh, thought of that. 'Cept I kind of value my life." He winked at her. "Come on. Let me stay." He shot her another sexy look.

"Fine come in." Sweet victory. He thought to himself. He walked in and smiled at her. "I am going to go ahead and take my bath. We have a basement through the kitchen. You want anything let me now."

"Sure thing. Thanks love."

"Yeah." She left up the stairs and Spike made a point to wait until she was in the bath before he insisted that he needed something. His evil little mind at work.

Buffy lit her candles and reran her bath water before getting in. She laid there, thinking about what was happening. She was in a bath and the guy that she had a major crush on was downstairs. Things couldn't end up well.

Note-

Okay so this is the second chapter. Don't worry, I am not making them be together or anything. At this point I think that it is best that Spike doesn't like her. Plus you have to get to know more about her past. Angel might make it into the next chapter, he is in all my stories at least once (got to love him sometimes).


	3. A Glimpse Into Her Past

Thanks for the reviews, it fuels me to write.

Chapter 3- A glimpse into her past

Buffy kicked Spike out at 4 that morning and was fast asleep by the time her mom got home. She was confused, to say that least, when she woke up. She got up and was dressed before her mother even came into the room. "Buffy honey, have you seen my earrings. You know the hoops with the little diamonds on them."

"Yeah. I borrowed them one day." She walked over to her jewelry box and handed the earrings to her mother.

"You look... umm... nice." Joyce said, obviously hating what Buffy was wearing. She looked down. She was wearing a short black skirt with a red top. She had her hair up and curled, and she wore black eyeliner again.

"Thanks. I am little late so I am going to get going."

"All right honey. But don't get into any trouble. I'd really hate to move again."

"Okay mom." Buffy said, half way out of the room. She ran the rest of the way out of the house. She hated how her mom pretended to be all sweet and kind when she really didn't care about her.

Buffy walked in with the same air about her that she always had. That was the only way she knew how to walk into school. Even if she wasn't the most popular girl in school, she could at least pretend that some of the people really cared about who she was. She saw Spike standing at his locker, several girls around him. Buffy smiled. Seemed like all he ever did was talk to girls. She smiled and walked past him like nothing mattered. She was determined not to care about him and didn't even look at him when she past. She saw Xander at the end of the hall and ran up to talk to him. "Hey Xander."

"Hey Buffy." He looked at her with a lust in his eye that she had seen many times before. It was quite amusing to her that she could have most guys in the school, yet the one that she did want she couldn't have. "What's up?"

"Nothing much." She said, trying to forget her thoughts about Spike long enough to carry on a conversation.

"That sounds fun. Hey are you coming to the Bronze tonight?" Both Xander and Buffy had begun to walk to class.

"Yeah sure. I have nothing better to do."

"Cool. Then I guess I will see you there."

"Xand, I will see you at lunch too."

"Oh yeah. Right. I forgot." He got a little spastic and left. She smiled and walked off to class with thought of Spike reentering her mind.

That night Buffy's mom left again and Buffy began to walk to the Bronze. About halfway there, Spike joined her. "Are you stalking me?" Buffy asked him, continuing her walking.

"No." Was all that he answered. How could he tell her that she captivated him enough to make him seek a friendship?

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I was bored. I was headin' to your house to see if you were going to the Bronze. Guess you are."

"Again I say, don't you have a girlfriend."

"Bloody bitch if you ask me."

"I didn't." Buffy said and walked into the club. He ran up to her.

"Hey love. What's with all the hostilities towards me. I do somethin' to ya."

"Nope. Just not interested that's all."

"Right. And I'm king of the world."

"You might think that." She said, brushing him off again. She saw Xander and Willow and walked over to them, leaving Spike behind.

"You really said that?" Xander said smiling at her.

"Yeah." She said. Willow looked at her new friend. She was wearing a black leather mini skirt and a tight red top. She was the perfect girl for Spike and she knew it too. It was funny to watch her try and play hard to get.

"You still like him don't you?" Willow asked. Buffy sat down in her chair.

"More than you could possible imagine."

"Why?" Xander asked. "I mean the guy obviously treats girls like toys."

"Yeah I know." She said, staring off at the dance floor where Spike had met up with Drucilla and was fighting again. Buffy looked back at Willow and smiled. "I just wish that I could meet someone who would be a great guy."

"Well what kind of guys did you date back at Hemery?" Willow asked her.

"The wrong kind." She said. Willow could tell that she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"You want to dance?" Willow said. "Get your mind off Spike?"

"Sure." Both of them got up and headed to the dance floor. "Did I ever tell you how glad I am that you are my friend and not Cordelia." Willow laughed.

"Nope." She said smiling.

Buffy was walking home, her head a little in the clouds. She came to a park and decided to sit down. She knew her mother wasn't home so she was in no hurry. She looked up, gazing at the stars. "You know love, many bad people walk the night. It can't be safe to sit there all by yourself."

"And what, you are offering to protect me?" Buffy didn't care to look up at Spike.

"If you don't mind."

"And what if I did? Would that stop you? You seem to be around me a lot lately."

"What can I say?" Spike sat next to her, she still didn't look at him. "You interest me."

"Great." She said with a sarcastic tone. "Look I got to get home. Later." She got up and started walking. Spike came running up to her.

"Wait. At least let me walk you home."

"Whatever." She said, playing the hard to get card again. She walked home the rest of the way in silence.

When she arrived she told Spike goodbye and went to her room. There was nothing that she could do but cry. Her heart ached and she felt the pain throughout her whole body. She controlled her crying and picked up the phone. "Hello." The voice on the other line calmed her, it made her feel better.

"Angel. It is so good to hear your voice again."

"Buffy. Buffy is that you?"

"Yes." She smiled to herself.

"They told me that you were dead."

"I know. This was the first time that I really got the chance to call you."

"Your dad is behind this isn't he? I will kill him the next time that..."

"Angel it's okay. I did it this time. You know me and Faith, we never could resist a fix. We got busted and my mom begged them to let me move. I had to promise never to have contact with anyone from L.A. again."

"So as soon as you could you called me. Thank god, I've been a wreck thinking that you died. They told us that you overdosed and that it was hopeless, there was nothing that could be done."

"I know. I am so sorry. Can you come down to Sunnydale. It isn't very far from L.A. You could come and visit me. I've missed you."

"Sure. I will find a way to get there." What school do you go to?"

"Sunnydale High. Come see me?"

"You bet. Save me a kiss."

"You got it. Bye Angel."

"Buffy?"

"Yes."

"I love you. I never told you before, but I do. Can we still make this work?"

"Yes. I love you to Angel." She hung the phone up and smiled. Then she thought about Spike. Her school girl crush seemed trivial compared to how she felt about Angel.

Note-

Okay so this might seem a little bit confusing, like I just pulled him out of a hat or something. But I will explain it all in the next chapter. It all has to do with her past and stuff.


	4. Friends Return

Thanks to my faithful readers. This chapter is going to explain things a little better I promise. There is a little bit of drug reference here.

Chapter 4- Friends Return

Buffy was sitting at a lunch table with a brunette girl and a tall guy. She was smiling and laughing at something that the girl was saying. The guy was looking at her with love in his eyes, listening and taking in everything she said. The girl was smiling and laughing, plotting some plan with Buffy. "You know that I can get some stuff easily. But the dealer has this thing for you, wants to see you or he will not give me the stuff."

"Yeah. I am not all certain that I want to let my girl get violated by some dealer just for a fix. Can't you guys get your stuff somewhere else?"

"No." Buffy told the guy. "The dealer that we buy from has the best stuff."

"Why don't you quit?"

"I told you I would." Buffy smiled at the guy. "Angel, I just need one more fix." Buffy turned to the girl. "Faith tell the dealer that I will be there Friday, but you have to be with me." Faith nodded. The bell rang.

"Later B." Faith said with a smile. She walked off leaving Buffy and Angel together.

"Let's skip." Buffy said. He smiled and they ran out of the school and sped off in his convertible.

"You told me you where going to quit." Angel said as they sat on the beach. "You promised."

"I know Angel. I'm trying I am. It's just coke; it's nothing real bad."

"It is bad Buffy. Come on quit already."

"One more time than that is it. I promise."

"Okay. Come here." He takes Buffy in his arms and they sit there watching the ocean.

Buffy and Faith where standing in an alley. Buffy had her arms around her chest and was shivering. "It's not normally this cold. Where is he?"

"He will be here." Faith said. "There." Two guys began walking towards them. The dealer didn't say anything, just handed the drugs to Faith. Buffy handed the dealer the money.

"Hold it right there!" Cops began to swarm around them.

"Shit." Faith said. Both of them where handcuffed and thrown into separate cop cars.

Joyce was sitting in a interrogation room across from Buffy. She had a look of pure disappointment. Buffy had been sitting there, hadn't said anything at all. Finally a cop walked in. "Where is Faith?"

"She had drugs on her. They locked her up."

"Is my daughter in danger of going to jail?" Joyce asked.

"She didn't have any drugs on her and there were no traces of it in her system. But we can still pres charges for being with the girl."

"What if we moved?" Buffy shot a look at her mom. What the hell was she talking about? "If we moved, away from here, and promised not to have any contact with anybody, would you not press charges?"

"I suppose that you would be better. I don't want to send the girl to jail when I have to send the other one..."

"Wait." Buffy said. She knew that Faith's parents wouldn't help her or anything so she had to. "I know a lot of the top dealers in L.A. I can give you some names."

"What is in it for you?" The cop sat down and looked at her.

"You let Faith go."

"Buffy shut your mouth. It's bad enough that you got in trouble like this, but trying to talk the cops into letting your slutty, skanky little friend..."

"Enough mom." She looked back at the cop. "You bring her to me and she walks out with me. And then you leave her alone for a few months."

"And if she gets in trouble again?" The cop asked.

"I can't help her then. But I can help her now. She has no one; her family doesn't care about her. They aren't going to help her and I can." The cop nodded and went out to get Faith.

"You are a drug addict? This is all your father's fault."

"No mom. It's yours. Ever since you and Daddy got divorced you've been gone. I didn't have to hide my habits very hard. You didn't care to look."

"Oh honey." She looked sad, but Buffy knew that she would change her ways. The cop came back followed by Faith. She looked awful. The sexy brunette that Buffy had come to be best friends and sometimes lovers with looked so different. Her hair was a mess, with knots and tangles. Her shirt was ripped and so was her skirt. Her makeup was all smeared and melted. She looked like a wreck.

"Oh Faith." Buffy jumped up and wrapped the girl in a hug. She hugged Buffy and cried; the first time that Buffy had ever seen Faith cry. She was always the tough one, the one that was there for Buffy. But this was Faith's biggest fear, to spend the rest of her life alone and in jail. Buffy kissed Faith's forehead and whispered in her ear. "You will okay." She led her over to the chair and sat her down.

"Buffy did you make a deal with them?" Faith asked in a small voice.

"Shh." She stood behind Faith, stroking her hair. "All right. She goes free and I give you the names of four dealers based in L.A."

"Buffy." Faith eyes went wide. She turned to look at her. "If they ever find out they will..."

"It's better then you rotting in some jail cell. When you leave will you go to Angel. Get him to help you?"

"Where will you be?" She looked at the cop. She took a piece of paper and wrote down four names and their regular pick up spots.

"There. Can I have a minute alone with Faith before I leave?" Her mother looked at her and then at the cop.

"Sure. If you come with me Ms. Summers you can sign the form that you got your daughter out." She looked uncertain about leaving her daughter with the other girl. But she left anyways, uncertain about her daughter's future. Once they were gone, Faith got up and hugged Buffy.

"Are you crazy? If they found out what you did, they will kill you."

"I know Faith. But I couldn't leave you here. They were going to charge you and I knew that no one would help you. Your worst fear is to spend the rest of your life alone and in jail. I had to get you out before I leave."

"Where are they taking you?" Faith suddenly looked really worried.

"My mom pleaded with the cop to let me go if we promised to move and I would never have contact with anyone from L.A. again." Faith started to cry again. She wondered if she should tell Buffy how she felt before she left.

"Buffy..."

"Hey. Don't worry. I am going to set up in the new school, get some friends and then call Angel. When I tell him to come down, come with him. Lay low for a while okay?" Faith nodded. "I'll miss you babe."

"I'll miss you too." She thought about telling her but she decided against it.

"All right young lady. Let's go." Both Faith and Buffy followed her mother out. Faith stood in front of the police station watching Buffy and her mother get into the car. Buffy took her black leather jacket and threw it at Faith. Faith held it close to her and watched Buffy drive away.

"Buffy! Buffy are you home?" Buffy eyes flew open and she looked at her clock. 4 o'clock in the morning. Buffy grabbed her robe and ran down the stairs. Her mother was sitting on the couch, shaking.

"Mom. Mom what is wrong?"

"There is this girl out there, raving about you. She says your time has come." Buffy looked out the window. Sure enough Drucilla was standing in their driveway, yelling towards the house. This girl was crazy. "What have you done?"

"This guy keeps talking to me, some guy that I had a crush on. He must have dumped her. She's crazy mom so be careful."

"Why are you always attracting trouble?"

"Why are you always blaming things on me? You think you are this mother whose kid has turned into a delinquent despite all that you've done. Well news flash mom, you haven't done much except go out. So don't blame this on me. I think I have Spike's number upstairs. Lock all the doors and then go up to my room." Buffy ran up the stairs and looked through her pockets. She thought she saw Spike slip something in her jacket at the Bronze and he told her later to call him. Sure enough there was a slip of paper with a message that was less the subtle and a number. She grabbed her phone and ran downstairs as her mom ran up. She dialed the number and waited as it rung.

"Bloody hell. You're dead Drucilla. I told ya, I'm over this shit."

"It isn't Drucilla."

"Buffy?" Spike said with a little surprise.

"Yes. You're crazy girlfriend..."

"Former love."

"All right. Your crazy ex-girlfriend is at my house, yelling and terrorizing my mom. Can you get over her and calm her the fuck down?"

"Call the cops. I have nothing to say to her."

"No. Cops and me don't do well. Listen just get down here..." Then she stopped and used her best helpless girl voice. "Please. Come on Spike she scares me." She knew she was using him, yet wasn't that what he was doing before.

"All right love. I'll be there in a bloody minute." She thanked him and hung up the phone. She watched by the window.

"You mean that you use to do drugs?" Willow said.

"And sleep with guys all the time." Xander said with a little hope.

"Yes and only one guy. Look I only told you guys cause I really consider you friends and Angel and Faith should show up today."

"What about your mom?" Willow said.

"She's out of town for the weekend. Look you can't tell anyone about them. I mean I might take them to the club or something."

"That must be them." Willow pointed to the two that were obviously getting strange looks. They looked like they came from L.A. Angel wore a pair of leather pants and a black leather jacket with a white shirt under it. Faith, well Faith was Faith. She wore a tiny black leather skirt and a red leather halter-top with Buffy's black leather jacket over it. She had knee high black leather boots on and a whole lot of makeup. She was stunning. Buffy ran over and hugged her, smiling. Then she hugged and kissed Angel. Both of them followed her over to the table that Willow and Xander were sitting out. Both of them looked uncomfortable, seeing how different they were from Buffy's old friends. Spike could be seen watching them in the corner.

"Angel, Faith this is Willow and Xander."

"Hi." Faith said. Angel smiled.

"Nice to meet you." Willow said. Xander said nothing.

"Jeez Buffy. This town is so small Angel here almost missed it."

"I know right?" She smiled. "Come on I want to show you around before we go out tonight."

"But Buffy, you have class." Willow said. Faith burst into s fit of laughter.

"Yeah B. You have class." She said it all little bit more sarcastic then she meant to. She could tell she had hurt Willow's feelings. "Sorry. It's just B here, she use to be a regular at skipping school in L.A. Never saw her as the one that would sit through class."

"Oh trust me she isn't." Xander said. Buffy shot him a look.

"Listen I will catch up with you guys at the Bronze." The bell rang and they nodded in agreement as they walked away.

"Buffy this place isn't you." Angel said.

"I know. But with you guys here it got better." They all went to walk away when Spike came over to her.

"Hey love. Sorry I ran off so fast last night. I was wore out ya know." He said it as though she was the one who wore him out. He shot a look at his friends. "Ya want to introduce me."

"No not really." They both shot her a look and she knew that she had to. "Faith and Angel this is Spike. He goes here too."

"Yeah. Me and Buffy here are real tight."

"Not if you'd go away." Buffy said. She wasn't playing hard to get; she really wanted Spike to go away. She had a crush on him, and this raw attraction, but with Faith and Angel by her side she didn't need him.

"Oh come on love." He said, grabbing her by the waist and staring into her eyes. "You don't really want me gone now do ya." Then he kissed her and left.

"Buffy!" Angel yelled.

"Honestly, the guy isn't with me. I got a crush..."

"Hell I have a crush on him." Faith smiled. "You might get replace Angel. Me and B here could have a real fun time with him."

"Faith." Angel growled at her.

"All right kids. Let's go." Buffy wrapped her arm through Faith's and Angel's and walked out of the school.

Note-

Okay so what may be a little confusing about this is the relationship between Buffy and Faith. It is kind of like they are best friends with benefits. You know hooking up sometimes at parties or with Angel. Anyways it's a twist and stuff so I hope you don't hate me for it. Thanks for the awesome reviews.


	5. A Revelation into Buffy’s World

I haven't had any reviews for four yet cause I just went ahead and wrote this. Bisexual references between females are in this chapter.

Chapter 5- A Revelation into Buffy's World

Buffy walked in with Faith and Angel at her side, laughing at something that Faith had said. Willow and Xander saw them and flagged them over. Faith looked at Buffy. "What's with your friends here B?"

"They are great people. Be nice." She said. She smiled at them and walked over to Willow. "Hey Willow. How are you?"

"Kind of weirded out." Angel and Faith sat down with them, but didn't stay very long. A song came on the Faith must have liked, cause she grabbed Angel and was dancing with him, slightly provocatively. "You don't care about that?"

"What Faith dancing with Angel?"

"And obviously in to him." Xander said. Buffy laughed. "What?"

"Well Faith and I, well we are kind of bisexuals. Faith, she wants anyone she can get her hands on cause she's never been loved and she finds 'love' in sex. Me and her share Angel."

"You share your boyfriend?" Xander said. "Damn I wish I had a girlfriend like that." Willow rolled her eyes.

"Anyways why were you weirded out Will?"

"Oh yeah. Umm Spike came up to me after school today. He was asking all sorts of questions about Angel and Faith."

"Yeah. Sounds like someone is jealous."

"Yeah. I heard that he broke up with Drucilla cause he wanted to be with you. I told you that he never cheated with anyone."

"Yeah. That sucks that Angel showed up."

"What you don't like him now?" Willow sounded surprised.

"No I still like him. It's just that I have Angel, who I love. And he doesn't mind me getting all smoochy with Faith, or any other girl for that matter, but guys are not something he overlooks."

"Yeah I guess so." Willow said. She saw Spike walking towards them. He put his finger over his mouth to signal her tom be quiet.

"What's up?" Buffy went to look.

"I can't believe you!" She said angrily. Buffy shot her a confused look. Willow let out a little breath. "I mean you know with the Faith and the girls and the kissing. Why didn't you tell us?"

"Didn't think it mattered yet. I wasn't going to tell you right off the bat so it creeped you out. You know I was going to tell you when I wanted you to be involved, which would have been soon had Faith and Angel not said yes to coming."

"Wait you are attracted to Willow?" Xander said with wide eyes.

"Yeah. I mean I really dig her... your whole kind of innocent style. Makes me want to help you be bad." She knew that she was hitting on Willow.

"Umm... wow Buffy. I'm like flattered..."

"But not into the idea?" Willow nodded her head. Xander looked hurt and down. "Hey that's fine with me? Isn't like I don't have Faith or anything. And I can still be totally and one hundred percent Buffy the Friend without being the weirder version Buffy the Bisexual Girl." Willow laughed at her comment.

"Hey love." Buffy spun around so fast that she almost fell out of her chair.

"Damn it Spike you scared me." She wasn't kidding. Through out her conversation with Willow she was thinking about what it would be like for all three of them to be together. She shook her head again, trying to knock the thought out.

"Mmm sorry sweetie. You want to dance? Seems that bloke you came with is with your friend."

"Yeah I'll pass." She turned back to Willow and winked at her. Spike walked around to face her again.

"Come on love. I promise to be a good lil' boy and not kiss you again." Willow's eyes widen.

"Fine damn it." Buffy got up and walked to the dance floor with Spike. She walked by Faith who whispered in her ear.

"Dance with him like you would Angel. You'd turn us both on." Then she winked and when back to writhing up against Angel. Spike and Buffy take there place on the dance floor. Buffy starts to dance with him, her moves being very sensual. She let him put his arms around her waist and grinded her hips. He was totally loving this. When the song ended Faith walked over to Buffy and kissed her. Spike stood in shock at the girl's making out before him. When Faith broke away to breath she winked at Spike before walking away with Angel. It was obvious that something was going to go on between the three of them that night.

"So you swing both ways huh love?"

"Technically yes. But not just for anyone." She leaned up and whispered in his ear. "To bad that Willow isn't into it. Me, you and her could have a lot of fun." Spike's eyes got wide and he smiled. Then she walked away leaving him there.

Spike walked home that night a little confused about his night. His mind kept wandering to thoughts of him, Buffy and Willow. And that incredibly hot kiss that Faith and Buffy did right in front of him. He envied that bloody wanker Angel that was with them right now, probably watching them make out together. What kind of name was Angel anyways. A girl's name really. "Spike my dearest. You are all alone now."

"Drucilla bugger off."

"My dark prince weeps inside. Did the bad little girl hurt my darling. I'll rip her heart out and feed it to you."

"Dru you got to learn that you can't go around saying things like that. Some day soon someone is going to send you away." He smirked and walked away from her. She followed.

"She can't give you want you need. You need the darkness, you reveal in the darkness, you are the darkness."

"She's a lot darker then me love. And she's a lot darker than you." And he walked away.

"Whatcha thinking about Will?" Xander said as they sat in her room with a math book between them. He was staring at her.

"Math. I am thinking about math." She was nervous, refused to hold his gaze, and was not talking much. When she did talk it came out in a fast past answer.

"Thinking about what Buffy said? Cause I got to tell you I am thinking about it too. As a matter of fact that is all that I can think about."

"You are a guy. You biggest fantasy is to have to girls at once. But I am not that way. At least I don't think." She looked at him. "No defiantly not."

"It's okay if you are Willow." Willow didn't say anything at all.

Note-

Okay I hope that you can see the break that I put in for the scene changes. I use to use a - and make a whole line and stuff... but it wouldn't save on the site. Anyways this was kind of like the next 'dum dum' (that would be the noise that the news people use... come on you guys know what I am trying to say). Anyways I really wish that I could go into detail about Faith and Buffy... I might even do a short story about them but it will be rated M. I am going to have a few chapters that will in fact go into the relationship aspect of Buffy and Faith and stuff, so I will just warn you know and at the beginning of each one. I hope that you don't mind it. It's a new direction that I am going with based on what I have been reading online. Anyways read and review. I hope that I haven't offended anybody. :)


	6. When Life Let’s You Down

A/N- Okay so this story really is Spuffy. I just tried this different approach of kind of them hating each other and then coming around, kind of based on the show. I am glad that I found a person that loves the stuff. For those of who don't, the Spuffy action might start soon (although there could be, mostly likely will be s/b/w.

Chapter 6- When Life Let's You Down

Buffy woke up the next morning with a little smile on her face. She looked at the clock and cursed to herself. "Wake Up!" Angel and Faith moaned in response. She kicked Angel and yelled at Faith. "GET UP!"

"All right B we are up." She sat up, covering her very naked self with a sheet.

"Get dress. You have to leave today and soon so I can clean the house?"

"Why?" Angel said, who had already gotten dress. Damn that was fast. Buffy thought to herself. Then again Angel was always fast at everything that he did.

"Cause you can't be here when my mom comes home. She can't know that I saw you guys." Buffy had clamed down and sat at the head of her bed while Faith and Angel sat at the base of the bed. "I'm really sorry guys. I can't come back to L.A. with you and you can't move here. I made a deal with the cops."

"That wasn't the only deal that you made." Angel said. Faith stared down at the bed. "Those dealers had friends. And those friends are after you know. If they ever found you..." Angel choked on tears and held back. Once he had regained himself he continued. "You were dead, that's what everyone including Faith said."

"I knew that if I told you that she was alive you would want to go find her. I knew you couldn't." Faith's voice was strangely quiet.

"Anyways you can't come to L.A. but we an come here."

"No!" Buffy's voice was mean and she felt bad. "My mom will turn me in. She thinks I need to be punished anyways. Listen I love you Angel. I love being around you, I love being in your arms and everything. I hope that you understand that. But I can't be expected to be yours forever. I love this town and I am not leaving. Which means that we may never see each other again. You shouldn't be alone and neither should I. And Faith. God Faith I love you just as much as I do him. I mean you are my best friend, my lover, my strength. When I need someone you are there."

"B, I love you too. Not like a best friend or anything else. I love you like you love Angel. Like my heart is being ripped out right now cause I know that this is the last time that I will see you. You were the first person to care for me and you put your ass on the line for me. I love you and I thought you should know before we left." Buffy looked at her.

"I've always known." She said. She looked at both of them. "I'll always remember you." They smiled.

Buffy's Porch

Buffy was sitting on her front porch that night crying. Her mother had returned, then went out again. She never even knew that Buffy had seen Angel and Faith. Buffy didn't understand why she was crying, there was so much here that she had to live for. Willow and Xander, maybe her mom if she ever realized what she was doing. "What's wrong love?" Spike. Someone she grew more confused about with every passing day. "Your friends leave?"

"Shut up." She said. "You can't let my..."

"Don't worry. Willow told me not to let your mum know about the poof Angel." She shot him a look. He smiled, well smirked at her. "Come on now love. You got lots more people who care about ya."

"Yeah I guess I do. Willow and Xander are great friends. And maybe some day my mom will come around."

"Right love." Spike said with a hurt expression. He thought he had made it clear that he cared for her. He didn't know why, it didn't make sense to him to be honest.

"What?" She noticed that look on his face.

"Nothin' love. Nothin' at all." Spike smiled.

"No there's something wrong and I want you to tell me." Spike jumped off the front porch, walked a few steps and turned back to Buffy.

"Don't make the mistake that they are the only ones that care for ya love." He started to walk away. Buffy was quite confused. Spike was just using her to get back at Drucilla. Or at least she thought. She jumped up and ran up to catch Spike. She stood in front of him and looked him dead in the eye.

"What do you mean?"

"Those friends of your aren't the only bloody ones that care about ya. You'd know that if you'd look around more. Stop trying to be a bitch."

"I am not being a bitch. Spike stop walking away from me." Spike had broken away and started walking the other direction. Buffy ran up to him. "Will you come talk to me? I mean you obviously have something to say to me and all." She didn't want to seem like she was wanting him to come back to her house. That wasn't what this was about. Spike had kissed her. And he looked at her like he wanted her at the dance floor. And he talked to her like he was her boyfriend. He

didn't seem to be after sex... he seemed to really like her.

"All right love. I'll come and talk to ya. But you better treat me like a bloody person and not some bug or somethin'. Or I am leaving and you can cry by yourself." Buffy let out a breath and they both walked to her house. Spike smiled to himself.

Buffy's house

Buffy sat on the couch and Spike was sitting on the other side. Neither one had said much of anything, both were focused on the television screen. Buffy had tears streaming down her face, and then she suddenly broke into a hysterical crying, as if what had happened had just hit her. The television screen kept showing the wreck of two cars. The volume on the t.v. was low but she could hear the words ringing through her ears, through her heart. _Tonight two teens faces an untimely death. On their way from Sunnydale to L.A. they were hit by a drunk drive and ran off the road tumbling down the hill. The girl in the passenger's seat wasn't wearing her seat belt and was thrown from the care. She was admitted to the L.A. hospital were she died of internal bleeding. The driver of the car was killed on contact. Wait we have just received news of who they were. _Buffy sat up and looked at the screen. "Don't let it be them, please don't let it be them." She knew in her heart that it was them. _Their names where Angel Jones and Faith Smith. They attended Hemery High in L.A. It's a terrible tragedy. _Buffy kept crying and crying till it scared Spike. Spike slide over next to her and held her close. She cried and screamed as if the pain that she felt was physical rather then emotional. Willow and Xander rushed in.

"We came when we heard. Is she okay?" Buffy was still crying and screaming, pretty much unaware of anything around her. Spike shook his head.

"She's really upset." He said.

"Why?" She was crying still and looked at Spike. "Why did they have to die? Why couldn't I?"

"Shh Buffy. Don't talk like that love. It isn't right, I understand. It's a bloody painful thing. But you got to be strong. They'd want you to be." Buffy's sobbing slowed down a little. Suddenly she noticed Willow and Xander. She couldn't think of anything to say to them. All she could think about was that something like this could happen to them. And that she had lost two friend who she cared about. Buffy heard the door open but she could stop her crying long enough to see who it was.

"What's going on in here?" Joyce asked as she came in. She looked around at all the people and at her daughter crying in the arms of some guy.

"Ms. Summers. Hi I am Willow and friend of Buffy's. I guess we should tell her what's been going on."

"No." Spike said. "Ms. Summers do ya remember Angel and Faith?"

"Yes."

"They were killed in a car crash. Both of them."

"Oh." Joyce sat on the stairs. The room was silent except for Buffy's sobbing.

A/N There is really nothing to say after this chapter. Read and Review. Anyways I deleted my old story. I thought that I like were I was going, but it didn't do well in my eyes. So I am going to do another one. Love You guys


	7. How Do I Feel?

A/N- Okay so I have to say this, not based on any of my readers or the reviews somewhat bad reviews that I have received, but based on something that my friend said about this story. My friend said that she didn't think this was such a great idea cause it changed the way that the show was (by Buffy and Faith being bisexual). I have something to say to all writers and reviewers out there. My story isn't going anywhere. I love it. It is my baby, I spend all my free time on it, I put my whole heart into and I have put on here so that I can get some opinion on my writing ability and my storyline. And she sits there and tells me that it is stupid that I have changed their story line. Well to all you writers and readers out there (of any story in any categories) we all are different. We all have different minds and hearts. And that is where we write from. But we should also be open to other writers and the way that they choose to write. We can't all follow the same pattern or it would be boring to read fanfiction, it would be just like watching the show. You know I think that fanfiction is amazing because it is all these different people writing different versions of the show. It's interesting. Anyway that was my rant for the time and I will get on with my chapter. (Again no offense to anyone; just as my hippie friend would say 'chill' and see others views as openly as possible)

Chapter 7- How Do I Feel?

It had been months since Faith and Angel were killed, months since she had seen there bodies in those caskets, and months since her mother had finally realized the extent to which she had messed up. And yet Buffy still had the same dream, the one in which she was falling and everyone stood around and watched her, laughing and hoping she'd fall faster to whatever was at the end. Months of waking her mother up and herself in the wee hours of the morning with screams and yells had grown tiresome It was a wonder that they got any sleep at all. Night after night she would have the dream, and night after night her mother would stay by her bedside until she was able to fall into a medicated sleep with no dreams at all. Things had begun to get better in her real life though. She was slowly being more social, instead of not going out and crying all the time. She was even planning on going to the Bronze that night with Willow and Xander. Spike, who was said to show up tonight as well, had been a great friend to Buffy through out the whole thing. The three of them understood that it was going to really take some time for her to get back to being normal. And then there was her mother. Buffy guessed that seeing Buffy so upset over the death of her friends and knowing that they were just Buffy's age, really put things into perspective. She finally told Buffy that she had been going to a Divorced support group, where she met a man. They had been seeing each other when Buffy had to move. He moved down a few weeks after the accident, being there for Joyce. She said that when Buffy was ready she could meet him that he had known about her the whole time. Also that she was going to try and be a better mother, to show more interest in Buffy and be the mother that Buffy needed. Buffy was living great, except for the dreams. So she woke up the next morning with the same sickly expression on her face, a minor side effect to the sleeping pills the doctor had given her. Buffy dressed and went downstairs where her mom had breakfast on the table. Buffy sat down and began to eat some of her fruit salad. Her mom sat there and ate some toast. "Mom did I ever tell you that you make great breakfast?"

"Nope."

"Most important meal of the day you know? Makes you all energetic and ready for the fantastic school day." Buffy said in an all too cheery voice.

"Yes I suppose school is hard right now. Aren't you taking exams?"

"Worse. The dreaded study and review before the exams. History and me are going to have a fight and I think history might win."

"It's important to know what happened in the past so that you don't..."

"Repeat the past's mistakes. Heard that. But me, I have a hard time remembering last week much less three hundred years ago."

"Well maybe Willow can help you study?"

"I hope so." Buffy grabbed the, ironically, history book that had been sitting downstairs all night.

"You know if that book was ever actually taken to your room..."

"It would be lost under the pile of Seventeen magazines. The astrology charts, and the How to Be a Better Kisser guides and never again see history class."

"Right of course." Buffy smiled and walked over to give her mom a kiss on the cheek. Joyce smiled at her daughter. "Oh Buffy?"

"Yeah mom." Buffy turned around at the door.

"You have a doctor's appointment tomorrow during the first half of school. He wants to check on your sleep state and see if you can come off the sleeping pills and the anti-depressants. Get your assignments."

"Okay mom." Buffy said as she skipped out the door.

School-

Buffy walked in, her air of confidence long since gone by the weight of her pain. She did, however, seem abnormally happy today. She bounced over to Xander and Willow, both of whom were standing at Willow's locker, contemplating the mysterious whereabouts of Xander's math book. "We've check both our lockers, maybe we left it at your house studying." Xander said. "Although I have to say I am not sad that it's gone. Good riddance horrible book that haunts my sleep, may you never return."

"Are you talking about your history book? Cause that is the one that haunts me." Buffy said with a smile.

"You guys... I can't imagine hating the books. They are such great..."

"We know Willow. Such great things filled with knowledge and other stuff that just makes normal people's brains hurt. Super Willow's brain, however, absorbs all the information and then spits it out at random times in order to make other's brains hurt. Then your brain laughs at our brains, mocking them and telling them that they are stupid." Xander said.

"Yeah Willow. Your brain is a big, mean bully." Buffy said.

"You seem to be in a better mood." Willow said as she closed her locker.

"Yeah the Buffster seems to be doing much better these days." Xander said.

"I am doing good I guess." She hadn't told Willow and Xander about the dream; she didn't want them worrying anymore then they already did. She had told Spike though, and was hoping to get some alone time with him to tell him what she had dreamt about last night before waking up and taking the medicine.

"So you are still coming the Bronze." Xander starting dancing, rather badly. "Crazy dance party and all."

"Come on now. No one wants to see that." Spike stood behind Xander. Xander stopped dancing and frowned.

"I think his dancing is great. Save me one tonight." Buffy said to Xander. He smiled and was going to say something cool but choked on the words. "See you guys later I got to go get something for Spike out of my locker." She shot a look at Spike. He looked confused then said, rather frantically.

"Oh right. That thing in ya locker. Right let's get it shall we?" Buffy smiled and shook her head in annoyance as she walked away with him. They walked outside and sat in the courtyard. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just needed someone to talk to that wasn't going to be all 'are you okay' or 'you need to talk about it'."

"Right love. Well I am here for you, talk away." He lay back against the wall and shot her a smile.

"I had another dream last night." Spike shot up and looked at her concerned.

"I thought that was what you've been takin' all those meds for."

"Yeah. I only take them if I wake up from a bad dream. Anyway I was falling again, but this time I wanted to... like I wanted to know what was at the end of the fall. It was like I didn't think that I would die when I reached the end. But everyone around me was laughing and telling me to fall faster, all these people that I didn't know and some of the ones that I do know. And then as I would look at the crowd, Angel and Faith would show up. There bodies would be all bloody and cut and their faces would be bloody with missing eyes and stuff." Buffy was crying a little it now. "It's hard to get that image out of my head."

"It's okay love. Everything is goin' to be okay." He took her into his arms and held her tightly until she stopped crying and left him to go to class. Then he just sat there, thinking about her and how it felt to hold her in his arms. He was a little bit confused how he could develop these feelings after not like her when they met. What had started out as a way to get back Drucilla had turned into an interest/friendship and then into a full-blown crush. Many times over the past few months he had found himself holding Buffy as she cried on his shoulder or being there when she remembered all the good times that she had had with them (and the details of that turned him on quite a lot).

The Bronze-

Buffy walked in wearing a short black miniskirt and a purple tank top. She hadn't been to the Bronze in quite a while, but she certainly got attention from both guys and girls. Even Willow had to do a double take when she saw her. But Buffy noticed no one expect for Spike, who was dancing with a brunette. "Who's that?" She said when she reached Willow.

"I don't know... Spike hasn't been here in a while... I mean I don't think they are dating... they were dancing last night... I mean... oh." Buffy smiled. Willow couldn't lie so even the smallest question that Buffy asked and she would spill everything she knew.

"It's all right Willow. I don't care." Buffy didn't know if she cared. Spike had been the friend that she needed through out this whole thing. With all that had been going on she didn't know if she still saw him like she had all those years ago. Well it hadn't been years, but it sure felt like it. Spike must have seen her cause he told the girl goodbye and walked over to them.

"Glad to see ya out and about. Missed your outfits." He said looking her up and down. She smiled and took him in. He was wearing a pair of leather pants and a black shirt. His white hair seemed to glow in the dark lighting of the club. His eyes though, they shinned through her and right to her soul. She smiled, but this time at Xander who had appeared behind Spike.

"Are you going to sit down or just drool over her?" Xander said. Spike shot him a look.

"Naw. I was wonderin' if you wanted to dance with me?"

"Sure." Buffy said. In the back of her mind she remembered Faith's words, _Dance with him like you would Angel. You'd turn us both on. _She thought about Faith for the first time without crying, just with a smile and a need to dance very sensually with Spike. She didn't want to look him in the eyes while they dance, she feared his eyes.

"Somethin' wrong love?" He asked her.

"No. Why?" He lifted her head up until she was staring deep into his eyes.

"You will not look at me." She kept staring into his eyes while she danced with him. All the sudden she seemed way too aware that she might really feel something. She looked away.

"Who was the girl?"

"Someone to dance with. Jealous?"

"Nope." Buffy said with a little smirk. "Why should I be? If I had you, then yeah I'd be jealous. But we are just friends." Spike looked at her a little weird.

"Do ya feel it?" He asked her, getting close to her face and looking her right in the eyes.

"Do I feel..." She gulped and tried to keep her lips away as to not kiss him. She still remembered what it was like to kiss him, even if it was just a quick kiss to make someone mad. She wondered what it would be like to kiss him for real. "what?"

"Nothin'." He said, breaking away from her. "I'm a little tired love. Want something to drink?"

"No." She said and went to sit with Xander and Willow while he went to the bar.

Bar-

"Give me a beer." Spike said, obviously in a confused state of mind.

"You legal?" The bartender said.

"Do you care?"

"Nope." The bartender handed him one. "You care to talk about it mate? I've seen the puppy dog eyes you got for that girl."

"Yeah." He turned in the seat of the bar, looking at her. She was looking at him, but turned when his glance hit her. "She's something all right. Just can't quite figure what that something is."

"Better then that last girl you drug around. Crazy bitch if you ask me."

"Yeah. I suppose she was crazy. Never thought about it when we were datin'."

"Course not mate." Spike turned back around to face the bartender. "Love's blind and that girl you got over there." He flicked his head towards Buffy and Spike nodded. "She's in some need of glasses." Spike smiled at the man and put a twenty on the bar. He picked up his beer to leave. "No charge."

"That's for the advice." Spike told the man. He gave him a small smile and began to hit on the girl nearest to him.

"How about I buy you a drink?"

"I'm not legal." She replied.

"Don't much matter to me." He heard the guy say. Spike smiled and walked over to Buffy and her friends.

"What's put you in such a good mood?" Buffy asked.

"Bartender must either like him or feels sorry for him. That's the only way you get beer if you are underage." Xander said. Willow looked at him weird. "I get offered all the time after being turned down." Then he felt really sorry for himself and stopped talking.

"Good bloke. Sees everything that goes on in this club."

"I guess so; he has a pretty good view."

"I don't mean it like that. I mean he sees emotions and stuff. Could tell you if you were gonna get lucky and if ya weren't who to go to so that ya could."

"Maybe I outa talk to him." Xander said.

"Really?" Buffy said, ignoring Xander's comment and focusing on Spike. "What'd he tell you?"

"Not important." Spike said, drinking his beer. Buffy looked at her watch. Willow noticed.

"You like having a regular mom? Having to worry about what time to leave and stuff."

"Yeah I guess I do. I can't get into trouble like I did in Hemery."

"Right love. Cause ol' Sunnydale here is a hotbed for trouble and chaos." All of them laughed.

"I got to go or I am not going to be home in time." She gave Willow a hug and then Xander. "Thanks guys. I needed the night out."

"Glad to have you back Buffy. I missed your skirts." Willow hit Xander. "I mean you... I missed you." He sulked off to the bar. Buffy walked away towards the door. Spike ran and caught up.

"I'll walk with ya if you don't mind. I got to go home too I reckon."

"Why'd you stay at my house that night? I always wanted to ask." She said as they walked out the door and into the night air.

"I had spent the night at Dru's, already lied to my rents and all, when she went crazy. Threw me out. I needed someone who didn't know me well enough to let me crash."

"Why?"

"Cause anyone else knew that Dru had kicked me out and that she would be crazy enough to come after 'em."

"You put me in danger like that." Buffy wasn't really pissed, just annoyed.

"Didn't care for ya then." He said. She smiled. They had reached her porch and she held up a finger. She stuck her head in the door.

"Mom?" Her mom came into view.

"Yeah sweetie."

"Do you mind if I sit out here and talk to Spike for a while?"

"No go ahead."

"Thanks mom." She closed the door and sat on the swing, facing him. "On the dance floor you asked me if I felt it. What were you talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Spike." She used her best pouty voice. "Please tell me."

"Bloody hell Buffy. You know that I can't say no to ya when you put like that." She smiled at him. "Fine." He threw his hands up in defeat and turned to her. "I feel this thing every time I am near ya. I don't know what it is."

"Really?" She inched closer to him. "Explain it." He looked her in the eyes, wanting so much to kiss her.

"It's this feelin..." He paused and inched a little closer to her. They were almost touching.

"Yeah." She said quietly.

"Like all I want to do... is..." He leaned down and kissed her. He didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. But surprisingly she returned the kiss. She moved close to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and becoming so wrapped up in the feel of him and the kiss. She wanted this. All those days and weeks of seeing him, wondering how she felt about him, it all melted away with that kiss. She didn't need to wonder anymore, she knew that she liked him. She knew that this was were she wanted to be, wrapped in his arms, kissing him.

"Amm." Joyce cleared her throat standing at the doorway.

"Mmm Mom." Buffy said, pulling away from Spike.

"Ms. Summers." Spike said.

"Maybe you should come in Buffy."

"Sorry." She said. Her mother looked at the boy and then back at Buffy.

"Said your goodbyes and then come to bed." She smiled at them and them went back into the house, closing the door.

"God that is so not what I love about her being all great mom now." Spike smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him.

"It's all right love. There are other nights."

"I guess it just took me so long to understand my feelings for you, although I am still all whooy in my head right now."

"Me too." He smiled at her then kissed her again. She broke away and walked towards her door. She turned back to him.

"Good night Spike."

"Sweet dreams love." He said. Then he watched her walk inside and he went all the way home thinking about her.

A/N-

So are you guys finally glad that I got to the Spuffy stuff? Well I am really sorry about the whole thing at the beginning of this. I mean I don't want to make you feel like you should do what I say. Anyways this is my baby and this may be one of my favorite chapters. Can't wait till the next one? Drop me a review and I shall write faster. Love Always -Samantha


	8. How Do You Feel?

A/N: Okay so thanks for the reviews. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 8- How do you feel?

Buffy woke up for the first night without having a bad dream. But she felt like shit. Buffy sluggishly got up and walked over to her bathroom. She grabbed a bottle of pills, took two and then got into the shower.

Buffy got dressed and bounced downstairs. Her mother was sitting at the table reading the paper. Another fruit salad was sitting there for her. "Hi honey. How did you sleep?"

"Surprisingly well. No dreams that resulted in screaming till I woke the dead. Woke up feeling bad though."

"You seem fine now."

"I took my pills."

"You know we are going to the doctor today right? He says that he wants you to talk about what's going on in your life."

"Sure that's fine."

Doctor's Office-

A way ugly and overstuffed chair was where the doctor pointed for Buffy to sit. She didn't mind, her mood being happy. She sat there hoping that this would be over soon so she could tell Willow about her night. "So how are you doing today Buffy?" The doctor that sat behind the desk was the exact person the Buffy imagined him to be. He was wearing a tweed suit, glasses that he took off to clean and asked questions that where rather broad. She was hoping this would be over soon.

"I'm fine." She moved slightly in her sit.

"Are you taking the pills everyday?"

"Of course." She answered slightly more harshly then she meant to.

"And are you still having the dreams?"

Thoughts ran through Buffy's head as to whether or not she should tell the doctor that her dreams last night had been pleasant. She wondered it he would take the pills away. Best to be honest she supposed. "No. Last night was the first night since their death that I didn't have a dream that woke me up with my own screams."

"Did you still take the medication?"

"Yes. I said my dreams where good, not what happened when I woke up."

"I see." The doctor wrote something down on his notepad and then hit the button on his intercom. "Tell Ms. Summer's she is free to come in now. Joyce walked in and sat in another, overstuffed and ugly chair. "Buffy I am going to take you off the medication now."

"What? Why?" Buffy was scared, could she really go on without it?

"You have shown all the signs that indicate you are becoming dependent. Let me explain something Buffy..." He turned and faced her. "You were once a coke junkie. That means that you are still somewhat addicted to that drug. If you were to ever do it again, granted that it didn't kill you, you could easily form the addiction again. Well anti-depressants are addictive as well. If it hadn't been for your extreme case I would have never recommended them."

"Will she be okay without them?" Her mother asked. Her face showed a slight sadness when the doctor mentioned Buffy's past.

"Better off. She will come to be happy without them. Don't worry about it, you'll be just fine. And if in a few weeks you can't handle it, I may reconsider."

Buffy smiled at the doctor, just wanting to get out of there. She felt trapped and hopeless. She and her mother thanked the doctor and walked out of the office.

School Cafeteria-

Willow sat eyes wide as Buffy told her story. She was fascinated by the fact that these two Spike and Buffy could be so confusing. On minute they hate each other, the next minute they are friends, and the next they are making out on her front porch. "Wow Buffy. Seems like you had a wonderful night."

"Yeah I did. It's just..." Buffy looked down at her plate.

"What?"

"I just don't what it all means? You know. We kissed and this wasn't like the last time. This wasn't some petty attempt to make my boyfriend mad. This was a knee-weaken, heart-fluttering kiss. It was something that I felt through my whole body."

"Well why don't you ask him Buffy? You've been through enough as it is I don't think you need all the cryptic guy language. Just make him tell you what it means to him."

"And what if it doesn't mean anything to him? What if it was nothing but a kiss to him?"

"By the way you say the conversation was, I doubt it. Come on Buffy you got to take a chance with this."

"I just don't know Willow." She looked at her watch. "Crap I am late. I got to go make up a test I missed this morning."

"What class?"

"Ugg history." And Buffy sulked off away from Willow. Xander bounced over and sat down next to her.

"What's up Will?"

"Nothing." Buffy's story about Spike had just put into perspective that which she didn't have. Xander Harris. She had always had a crush on him, ever since they were little.

"Yeah right Willow. You just sit there looking of into space for no reason?"

"Just thinking about Buffy."

"Are you still worried about her?" Xander asked scooting closer to Willow.

"Aren't you?" Willow stared at him.

"Oh I don't know." Xander propped his legs on the table and grabbed a carrot stick from Willow's plate. "She's doing fine now."

"You'd be surprised."

"What?" Xander looked at her. "Oh Willow knows something I don't. Tell me Willow or I will tickle it out of you."

"Xander Harris don't you dare."

"Then tell me."

Willow rolled her eyes in defeat. She was going to tell him, until Spike walked over. "Hi Spike." She said in her best voice, trying hard to act like she didn't know what was going on.

"Hi Red. You seen Buffy?"

"Umm yeah. She had to make up a history test from this morning."

"Right. Tell her I was looking for her."

"Sure thing." Willow watched Spike walk away, trying hard not to force him to tell her how he felt.

"So whatever this thing is..." Xander said, smiling a little. "It involves Buffy and Spike."

"I never said that."

"Then you have developed a crush on him, cause you keep looking at him."

"Fine." Xander smirked and Willow rolled her eyes at him. After a few moments of looking around, noticing that neither one was there, she turned to him. "They made out last night."

"Oh my god those fiends! Xander said with sarcasm.

Willow rolled her eyes. "Buffy's all confused. She doesn't know what he thinks and it's driving her insane."

"That is because you women take everything too seriously. Sometimes a kiss can just be a kiss."

"Really. And Xander how would you know this?" Willow looked at him questioningly. He fidgeted, he was nervous and he was hiding something from her. "Xander Harris what are you hiding from me?"

"Will, you don't want to know."

"Tell me anyways."

"Fine. I've kissed Cordelia a few times."

Willow felt tears start to build up in her eyes. She knew that if she stayed any longer she'd cry. "That's great Xander." She choked out.

"Willow, we were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much. I hate her."

"No. It just means that you'd rather be with someone you hate than be with me." Willow got up and ran away from Xander, leaving him to think about what he had done.

Buffy's house-

Willow was sitting on Buffy's bed, crying a little. Buffy was sitting next to her. "We had a club you know? The 'We Hate Cordelia' club. He was treasurer. I just can't believe that he's been kissing her. It's unnatural."

"Well sometimes that's how things go. Don't worry Will, there **is **someone out there for you. And you'll find him."

"But a person like Xander? I've known Xander my entire life. I've always told him everything. He's been there for me when I needed him the most. How can I just pretend like this didn't happen? How can I face him when just thinking about him makes me cry?"

The doorbell rang but Buffy didn't care to get it. "It's going to be okay Willow. I promise. I'm here for you."

"Hey love. Hey Red, I heard somethin' was up, came to see if you were okay." Spike said, leaning in the open door way. Buffy saw her mother walk back down the stairs.

"Did you talk to Xander?" Buffy asked him.

"Yeah. The bloke asked me what he did wrong. I had some not-so nice words to say. Bloody wanker. Better off without the bloke I say."

"He's still my friend Spike." Willow said, hurt but still sticking up for him.

"Right. Just meant that you don't need him. You'll find a right good guy for ya. He'll make you happy, not screw up like that."

"See." Buffy said in agreement with Spike. "I told you. You're a great girl any guy would be lucky to have."

"Yeah Red. If I didn't have this thing for Buffy, I'd be with ya."

"Really?" Willow looked up with a sparkle in her eye. To hear that Spike, the most popular guy in the school who had women on him left and right, would want to be with her was a major ego booster.

"Why not love? You're smart, funny, and cute."

"You think I am cute?"

"Sure I do." Spike smiled at her. Buffy watched in fascination that he was even here.

"Willow." Joyce came to the doorway. "Your mom wants you to come home. Said there is someone there asking to talk to you." Willow shot Buffy a look.

"Go talk to him." Buffy told her. All three of them walked out of her room and out the door. Spike sat on the swing and Buffy walked Willow to the end of the driveway. "Just tell him how you feel."

"Are you sure?" Willow asked.

"Yeah. It can't hurt to try right?" She looked back towards Spike.

"Right." Willow walked away. Buffy began to walk up to the porch, thinking about what she could say to Spike. He had told Willow that he had a thing for her, but what did that mean?

"She gonna be okay?" He asked her, really concerned.

"Yeah I think." She sat on the swing next to him. The sun was going down and it was a beautiful sight. "I think some how we all will be."

"Yeah." He moved closer to her and put his arm around her. She leaned up against his chest, taking all his actions in. He looked down her. "What's up?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Somethin' botherin' ya."

"What's this mean to you?" She asked.

"You mean the kiss and bein' here with ya?" She nodded. "I don't know really." He looked out at the sunset. She looked up at him. "I don't know how to explain it. I was just usin' ya when I first met ya. You seemed..."

"Easy?"

"I guess." He looked like he felt bad about what he said.

"Don't worry. I use to be. So what changed?"

"I got to know ya?" He sounded a little unsure. "Like I said, I don't know. I can't really explain how I feel. I use to think that I loved Dru. She was bloody everything to me. I use to fight guys for callin' her crazy or easy. I wouldn't cheat no matter how many people she'd go off with. Then you came along." He looked down at her. She sat up and stared into his eyes. "You make everything different. It's seems unreal that you'd be with me. I can't think of anything but how bloody lucky I am that you kissed me back last night." She smiled at him. "I don't think I understand how I feel yet. I don't think I am suppose to." He looked away from her. "Sound like a bloody poof don't I?"

"No." She said to him. She turned his head towards her. "I use to sleep with everyone. Sure I loved Angel, but I didn't care. I slept for drugs and for company. It didn't matter to me who got hurt by what I did, I didn't care. My dad had left us when I was 13 and my mom stopped caring. I didn't want to live in this world anymore so I put myself on this crash course to self-destruction. You know why I moved here?" Spike shook his head. "I got busted buying drugs with Faith. My mom offered to move and keep me away from anyone in L.A. in return for dropping the charges. Then I sold out four dealers to get them to let Faith go. That's why I moved here, cause I screwed up. Somewhere between here and L.A. I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I realized that I was living life the wrong way. It wasn't all about being popular in school and it wasn't about sex or drugs. I didn't need those things to be okay. I guess it was being in the car with my mom, her telling me about everything that she did when she was a kid, it was comforting. But she got here and did the same things. I gave up being popular, but when Faith and Angel got here, I slept with them. I didn't care what I was doing; I just didn't want to feel pain anymore." She was crying a little bit. "I wished of death and they were the ones that died. It wasn't fair to me and I felt like dying. I told you, I use to dream like I was falling. The doctor said that was a sign that I wanted to die that I had probably jumped myself to kill the pain. And do you know that last night I had the first good dream I've had in months." She looked away. "I don't think that I can explain what I feel about you either. But you saved me from myself. When my mother couldn't deal with how I felt, you looked at me and knew that I needed someone. You make me feel I don't know what you make me feel, but you make me feel. And that..." She looked at him. "Means everything to me." Spike smiled at her. "I want to be with you. I want you to be the one that I could come to love. But I want to take things slow."

"I want you to Buffy. And I'll go as slow as ya need." She smiled at him and then leaned up to kiss him, melting into him. She wondered if he would be the one that made her happy.

A/N-

Okay I hope you like. It's a little bit of a fluff thing here, but that's okay right? Lol. I do hope that you enjoy this chapter. Every day I seem to get more and more involved in the story line... I actually had a conversation for about an hour over this story. Anyways read and review. Much love to those of you who have reviewed and to those who are reading and don't like to review. Lol.


	9. Give Me Hope

A/N: Okay so thanks for the reviews. Hope you enjoy this chapter. To Sarah01 and any others; Giles was not the doctor in chapter 8 but he will be here. He will however appear maybe in this chapter. Don't freight, I love him and will make sure that he is here.

Chapter 9- Give Me Hope

Buffy was in a bad mood. Her first day without the pills and she had to listen to her history teacher lecture her about the bad focus she had in the class. She was ranging mad by the time she got to lunch. Hoping that no one said anything to her, she sat down at the table and waited for Willow or Spike to come calm her nerves. Instead, she got Cordelia. She sat down at the table, her designer clothes and her designer bag and smiled her fake smile that made Buffy want to gag. "Hi." She said in her cheerily voice. Today to Buffy, it was worse then nails on a chalkboard.

"What do you want?" Buffy said in a harsh tone.

"Wow Buffy. Forget to take a chill pill this morning."

"Cordelia I'm having a bad day. I don't like what you've been doing, kissing Xander when you know good and well how much Willow likes him. I don't care to talk to you or listen to you. I don't care if you say you love him, it still doesn't make it right. So I'll be leaving." Xander walked over to them as Buffy got up to leave. She shot him a look and walked out to the courtyard. She sat there, staring at the sky. Suddenly she started to cry.

"Buffy?" Buffy looked up to see Xander standing there. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry I was so mean to your girlfriend."

"It's okay." Xander sat down on the ground next to her. "I deserve everything you can throw at me. I shouldn't have kept this a secret, I just didn't..."

"Want to hurt Willow. I understand. I guess the most important things are the hardest to say."

"It's not like I did this because I knew that she wouldn't understand, it's cause I don't understand it either. It started out as just a kiss."

"That's how it always starts out." Buffy smiled. Coming towards them was Willow and Spike.

"Maybe I should leave."

"I don't know. I think so. Maybe?" He got up and hugged Buffy. Then he walked away.

"He didn't have to leave." Willow said, sitting next to Buffy. Spike sat on the other side of her.

"He did." Buffy said silently. "Here Willow." Buffy grabbed her book bag and took a folder out. She handed the papers to Willow.

"What is this?"

"Back in Hemery someone had emailed it to me. I think it would be better if you had a copy." Buffy told her in reply. Willow smiled at Buffy. Buffy got up and walked away. Spike went with her. Willow sat on the ground and began to read the paper.

__

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest to say.

Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart... if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.

You can't tell your heart what to do.

It does it on it's own... when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

So many of us stayed walled up because we are too afraid to care too much... for fear that the other person doesn't care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings fro someone because you fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid about what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risk and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they **would **have done, or **could **have had.

What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good bye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if your best friend dies tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you'd don't care anymore)

What would you do if you loved someone more then ever and you couldn't have them?

What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?

People live, but people die,

And I want to tell you that

you are a friend.

If you died tomorrow (God Forbid) you would be

in my heart. Would I be in yours?

You might be best friends one year,

pretty good friends the next year,

don't talk that often the next,

and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just want to say,

even if I never talk to you again in my life,

you are special to me and you have made a

difference in my life,

I look up to you,

respect you, and

truly cherish you.

No matter **how often **you talk,

or **how close **you are,

Let old friends know you,

haven't forget them,

and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend,

someday you might feel like you have

NO FRIENDS at all,

just remember this poem

and take comfort in knowing

somebody out there cares about you

and... always will...

I LOVE YOU!

Willow let a tiny tear fall down her cheek. She looked up to find Cordelia there, looking unlike she had ever seen Cordelia before. She looked truly sorry. Xander was sitting on a stone bench in the opposite corner from them. Willow wonder if a fight between the two really broke out, who he would side with. But Willow, after reading the email that Buffy had given her, didn't want to fight with Cordelia. But she had nothing to say here just the same. So she sat there, watching as Cordelia tried to figure out what exactly to say to her. Xander was getting nervous in the corner. "I'm sorry." She heard the words come out of Cordelia's mouth, she saw her lips move. Yet it was hard for Willow to believe that Queen C, the most popular girl in school, was standing there apologizing for kissing Xander. Willow had nothing to say to here, there was nothing she could think of to say. So Cordelia kept going. "We didn't mean for things to end up this way. I don't think we even meant for this to be anything. It was just kissing. At least that was what it started out to be. We didn't stop to think that we'd hurt someone."

"Well you did." Willow's tone was harsh and bitter. Cordelia was shocked at it. This was a meek little girl who spent her whole life in the shadow of others. She never did anything that would make her stand out, it just wasn't who she was. But here she was, standing in front of Cordelia, standing up to her. "And nothing you or Xander can say will change that." Her tone became more sad then mad and for a brief moment Cordelia could see what Xander meant to her. Her only real hope in ever finding someone was with the girl who could have anyone. She didn't believe enough about herself to think that she could go out there and find someone. Xander was her safe guy who she more or less could love as either a friend or a boyfriend.

"I am not here to say something that will change this whole thing. For some odd reason, I really care about Xander. It doesn't make sense or anything. And he is really worked up about you being mad at him. I just came over here to see if there was anything that I could do to make you..."

"Forgive or understand?" Cordelia nodded. "Tell him to give me time." Then she walked away from Cordelia.

****

Buffy's house-

"Mom!" Buffy yelled as she walked into the front door. She walked into the living room to see a man sitting on the couch. Her mother walked in from the kitchen carrying a bowl of popcorn.

"Buffy. I am glad that you are home." The man stood up and smiled. "Buffy I'd like you to meet Rupert Giles."

"Hi." He extended his hand to her. She hesitated but took his hand.

"Hello Buffy." He said. He was dressed from head to toe in tweed and had glasses. She reminder her a lot of the doctor. Some stuffy old guy.

"Can I go to the Bronze tonight?" Buffy asked her mom.

"Yes you may."

"What time do you want me to come home?" Buffy asked when she got to the bottom of the stairs.

"Whenever you want honey, it's Friday night."

"I might just spend the night at Willow's. She's been upset lately."

"I understand. Have fun honey."

The Bronze-

Buffy sat at the table wearing a red miniskirt and a black fishnet top. Willow sat next to her feeling slightly uncomfortable in the black leather mini skirt and the red top that showed her stomach. "Willow you have to relax. Act like you wear that all the time."

"But I don't. Only hookers..." Willow stopped herself. She had borrowed the outfit from Buffy. "Oh Buffy I didn't mean that. I just feel weird that's all."

"It's alright." Buffy looked towards the door. In walked Xander and Cordelia. Cordy wore a small black dress that paled in comparison to the other two girls.

"Hey guys. You look great." Xander said.

"Thanks." They said. Xander looked unsure of whether he could sit down with Cordy.

"Sit. I heard a new band was playing tonight." Willow said to the both of them.

"Yeah. It's The Dingoes Ate My Baby. I use to date their lead singer." Cordelia said.

"Who haven't you dated?" Xander asked. It was apparent that their new found relationship didn't mean they were nice to each other. Buffy smiled at them. The lights began to dim and the band began to play, and yet Spike was not there. Buffy whispered to Willow during one of the songs.

"I am going to go to the bar, get a drink and look for Spike. Sorry to leave you alone with these two."

"No problem." Buffy smiled at Willow who was staring at one of the guys on stage. Buffy walked over to the bar and smiled.

"What can I get you?" The bartender asked.

"Cappuccino."

"Comin' up." He made her drink and then handed it to her. She smiled. "You're Spike's girl right?"

"Nothing's been official."

"Right. You looking for him?"

"Yeah you seen him?"

"On stage." Buffy looked a little surprised. She had been looking around that club for him so much that she rarely even paid attention to the stage. But she looked up and there was Spike, playing guitar for the band. She smiled and turned back to the bartender.

"Wouldn't believe that I was blonde would you?" He laughed at her comment and she walked away. Willow hadn't noticed him either, cause she was still looking at the guy on stage, who was now in eye lock with her. Buffy smiled and looked at Spike, who was obviously noting Willow's gaze. His face suddenly developed a wicked grin and Buffy laughed to herself.

The band finished playing and Spike and the guy Willow had been flirting with, was coming over to their table. Willow turned to look at Buffy who grabbed Willow's hand and squeezed it. "Hey baby." Spike said, kissing Buffy on the cheek. "Want you guys to meet someone. This is Oz. Oz this is Buffy, Willow or Red, Xander and Cordelia."

"Hi." He said looking only at Willow. Buffy smiled at Spike.

She leaned up and whispered in his ear. "Evil Genius." She said with a smirk. He laughed.

"Let's get out of here." He whispered in her ear. She nodded and the two of them said their goodbyes.

The night air was calming to Buffy as she walked down the street with Spike. They came to the park and Buffy sat on a swing. Spike leaned against the pole. He smiled at her. "I have to be back cause I have to ask Will if it is okay to sleep at her house tonight."

"All right love." He said. Silence came after that. "You could stay at my place. My dad's out of town." He looked at her.

"I don't know. I mean you know I like you a lot but..."

"Hey. Nothin' has to happen. I'm just offerin'." He smiled at her.

"Okay. I will stay. I'll call Willow from your house and tell her to cover for me." Spike was so happy that she said yes, it was amazing to him. He smile and they walked towards his house.

Outside The Bronze-

Willow was standing there talking to Oz. He was a smart, nice, funny guy that Willow was attracted to. "You need a ride home?" He asked her. She nodded. The walked to his car and talked about music and stuff until they got to her house. He put the car in park. "So do you always dress like this? Cause I would have seen you if you did."

"No. I borrowed this from Buffy." She smiled. "I had fun tonight."

"Oh good. Cause if you want, we could you know go out again. Maybe have fun somewhere else."

"Sure." She said. She took a pen and wrote her number down on his hand. "Don't lose it." She said and then got out. Walking to her door she wondered if she'd be okay.

A/N: So there you are. Much Love. Review.


	10. Without You

A/N: Sorry that it's been so long.

Chapter 10- Without You

****

Two Months Later-

She was strong, she was smart, she was nice, and she was cute. But most of all she was his. They were sitting on the couch, watching a movie. He couldn't concentrate about anything with Buffy in his arms. He couldn't imagine that this beautiful girl had been through so much in her life. Spike was always considered the bad ass with his bleach blonde hair and his Billy Idol looks... he even had the same sneer. But this girl was more of a bad ass then he'd ever be. He just wanted to be with her, to make all the pain she'd ever felt go away. It was like she fit into his arms, as if she was meant to be there. It was surreal to him. "What are you thinking about?" She asked him. He smiled at her.

"You love. You seem to be all that I can think about." She turned and looked up at him.

"Be specific." She said with a devilish look.

"What? You want me to pick somethin'?"

"No." She said. "It makes me feel better that you have to many to pick." She turned back away and melted back into his arms. He wondered if she thought about Drucilla like he thought about Angel. How he resented that they were together, that he felt like he was being compared to him all the time. "Spike?"

"Yes love?"

"Do you ever think about the past?"

"What do you mean love?"

"I mean do you ever think about the past? Things that happened to you, little moments when you were shown true compassion, things you said?"

"I don't know love. Maybe." He was confused by her question.

"Okay." And like that she dropped the question. He didn't think about it anymore.

****

Willow's House-

When they first moved to the house, her parents told her not to let boys in her room even if she did have her own door. Somewhere into middle school she realized that she could disobey her parents and have Xander over after they went to sleep. He even had a key to the door. She never thought that he would use it like this. But when she opened her door, coming back from saying goodbye to Oz, Xander was there sitting on her bed. "I am not allowed to have boys in here." She closed her doors.

"It never stopped you before." He told her. She smiled at him, she knew he was right. Willow walked over to him.

"What do you want Xander?" He didn't say anything. He got up and faced her. He stared into her eyes, inching closer to her face. She was freaked. "You are freaking me..."

"Shh." He said putting his finger to her mouth. Then he kissed her, a deep passionate kiss. Willow was hesitant, and she shouldn't have kissed him back. But she did. He pushed her down on the bed, kissing at her neck and then kissing her again. After several minutes of making out with her, he broke away and got up. Willow rose to her feet as well.

"What?" She looked confused and scared.

"I had to see, before I did anything else with Cordelia, whether or not I felt for you."

"Well that's nice. Next time why not ask me before you show up at my house..." He walked back over to her and captured her lips with his. This time she broke away. "Xander. I wanted you to kiss me for so long. But I don't understand. What about Cordelia?"

"I don't know. I don't know much of anything anymore." He said, sitting down next to her. Both of them stared out the window.

****

School-

"So anyway I have been spending a lot of time at Spike's. Spent the night twice. And he was a great, perfect gentlemen. I just feel so..." Buffy stopped talking. She had been sitting there for the past few minutes talking to Willow, telling her about her mother and Giles, the guy she was dating. She had just started talking about Spike when she realized that Willow wasn't paying any attention to her. "What do you miss Oz already? He's only been gone for two days Willow." She smiled. He had left to visit a family member two days ago.

"It's not that." Willow said quietly. Buffy looked confused. "I can't tell you here."

"Skip with me then?" Willow nodded. The two of them walked of the campus right as the bell for school to start rang. Buffy walked the whole way to the coffee house wondering what in the world was so bad that Willow would skip school to tell her. They found a quiet table outside, ordered and then Buffy looked at her. "What's up Will? You'd never skip school."

"Xander kissed me."

"WHAT!" Buffy yelled.

"Shh."

"Okay okay." Buffy calmed herself down and then looked at Willow. "Please continue with the much hopeful explanation."

"I was coming home from saying goodbye to Oz. I opened the door that lead to my room and Xander was sitting there. I told him that I wasn't allowed to have guys in my room. He told me that it never stopped me before. So I closed the door and walked over to him, I didn't know why he was there but he was acting strange. I asked him what he wanted and he didn't say anything. He just walked towards me like..." She stopped to think. "Like those animals that you see on the Discovery Channel, the ones stalking something. I thought he had lost it and was going to kill me. So I told him that he was scaring me and he told me to be quiet. Then he kissed me. We made out for a few minutes until he got up. He had this look on his face, like he was realizing something. So then I asked him what. He told me something about finding something out before he did more with Cordy. I told him that was great but that next time he should tell me cause you know I was going to tell him that I loved Oz and all. But he kissed me before I could finished the sentence. I pulled away and asked what about Cordy. He said that he didn't know, that he didn't know anything anymore." She stopped talking and Buffy suddenly realized how wrapped up she had become in the story. She sat up. "I spent all night awake, thinking about it. I couldn't remember in the morning if it was a dream or real."

"Will." Buffy said. It was the only thing that she could say. She didn't understand any of it.

"It's okay. I was shocked when it happened. I just don't understand it."

"I know." She pulled her chair over to Willow who was crying now. She pulled her into a hug. Willow cried on her shoulder. "It'll be okay. I promise." She looked up. Behind them was Xander. She let go of Willow and she saw him. Buffy smiled at him and then left.

"Hey." He said. He kept his head low and avoided eye contact with her.

"Hi." She motioned for him to sit. He sat in front of her. There was an awkward silence for several minutes before Willow said something. "Why?" He looked up, made eye contact, and then couldn't bare to see her tears.

"I don't know."

"That's not an answer." She said in a harsh tone that made him look him. "Or at least not one that I will accept." He looked her in the eye.

"I love you."

****

Willow's House-

Buffy and Willow were sitting on her bed. "So he just told you that he loved you?" Willow nodded. "Wow." Buffy laid back. "Wow." She repeated. She propped herself up on one arm and looked at Willow. She was laying there looking at the ceiling as if would hold the answers to her problems. "So what did you say to him?"

"I didn't say anything to him. I just kind of sat there, staring off into space. I've known him for so long and I have liked him forever. It seems unreal to think that he would feel the same way back."

"Then why didn't you tell him you loved him back?" Willow kind of looked sad. "Oz right?" Willow nodded and then turned to face Buffy.

"I just don't know what to do."

"I understand." Buffy said. "Sometimes I wish that I could have some hook up."

"Why don't you have Spike?"

"Well yeah." Buffy smiled. "But me and Spike decided that we would take it slow. So all this sexual frustration I've got is driving me nuts." She turned over and stared at the ceiling. Willow giggled.

"It's funny how different we are. I don't let it bother me and you are going nuts because of it."

"Well hey I can't help it." She turned to look at her. "Have you ever had sex?" She asked. Willow looked at her.

"No."

"Then you have no idea..." She turned to look at the ceiling again. "How long it has been since I've had sex. Since Angel and Faith came. How long it has been since... ugg!" She screamed. Willow laughed.

"I could imagine." She stated. "I've wonder what it would be like to have sex with someone. Each time the only person that I think of is..."

"Xander." Willow nodded. "Come on Willow. There are more people out there then just him. I would never want my first time to be with someone that I love. I would be to afraid of disappointing them. Of course if and when I sleep with Spike there will be now problem with that." A knock came from the door. Willow went to her curtains, look out and then turned rapidly to Buffy. She mouth Xander. In a whisper Buffy said, "Want to have some fun." Willow eyes twinkled at the prospect of messing with Xander.

He knocked once more and heard a faint come in. He opened the door and was literally shocked to the point of not breathing. In Willow's bed was Willow and Buffy. "Hey." Buffy said, waving at him. Although not naked, the girl was wearing a slightly see-through nightgown. He remembered the night that Buffy had offered Willow a night with her and Spike, and he remembered the many nights that he thought about Buffy and Willow being together. But at the point in time, it only infuriated him that she was with Buffy. After learning that he could no longer hold inside his love for Willow, and after telling her and receiving no response, he was vulnerable.

Seeing the look on poor Xander's face, Willow finally spoke up. "Relax Xander." She said with a smile. "We were just messing with you."

Xander let out a deep breath and sat on the chair. "Oh thank go. I didn't know whether to be really happy or really pissed." Both girls smiled. "So what really is going on here.

"I've been lying to my mom for the past few weeks saying that I was staying at Willow's cause she was having emotional problems. I figure that since she kind of is, I might as well come over once." Willow laughed. "But hey I can see that you two need talking time..." Buffy said, getting up out of bed and not caring that her nightgown was see through. "And Spike doesn't live far away. May I borrow?" She asked Willow showing her the bathrobe. Willow nodded. Buffy left her stuff there, promising to pick it up in the morning.

****

Spike's House-

Buffy practically ran to his house, hoping that no perverted rapist where walking the street that night. She frantically banged on his door. He opened and she rushed inside. Without saying anything she kissed him. "Hey there to ya too love." He said smiling. "Thought you were staying at Red's."

"I was until Xander showed up. Decided to run over here."

"Glad to have ya." He said. For weeks she had been staying at his house, the temptations of shagging her in his head. It was hard to see her remove the robe she was wearing and walk over in a see through gown.

"I wouldn't have wore this, except we were playing with Xander when he walked in and I had to look like I was wearing something to seduce Willow." Spike was non-verbal at the sight of her, making her feel like a queen. Finally he spoke.

"Don't mind."

She walked over to him, straddling his lap and kissing him. "I didn't think that you would." She kissed him hungrily, hoping that he would tell that she wanted him. Weeks of temptation was wearing on her and she hoped that it was wearing on him as well. She removed his shirt. Her hand moved around on his chest, feeling the muscles. He kissed her again, bringing her gown over her head and flipping her over on the bed.

"Sure ya want to this love?" Spike said concerned.

"I'm sure." She stated, kissing him.

Willow's House-

After several moments of silence, Willow finally spoke. "I don't understand you Xander. You had all the time before Cordy and Oz that you could have liked me. What happened?"

"When I think about you with Oz I get upset. I think about all the bad things that could happen and how much I wish that I could be there to make sure that they don't happen."

"But Oz is a nice guy Xander."

"But he doesn't know you like I do." Xander said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Like he doesn't know that you are afraid of frogs."

"I can always tell him that Xander."

"Yeah but he doesn't know how it's been for you. You know growing up with your parents and all. I know cause I've been there for you, just like you were for me. I need you Will. How am I going to pass trig, you know." He chuckles. "And who am I going to call every night... and talk about everything we did all day? You're my best friend. You've always been. I love you."

"Oz?" She said. Xander might have let a lot of things go, but that wasn't one of them. He could feel his anger and pain rising to the surface. Then he realized that Willow was staring at the door. Xander spun around and was staring in the face of Oz. _Shit. I didn't want him here when she decided what she was going to do. _Oz passed Xander and walked over to Willow.

"Hey baby." He said, not phased by what Xander had said. Xander caught Willow's eyes. _He didn't hear._ Xander breathed out.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing." Willow said in response to Oz. "We were just talking about something that happened today at school."

"Oh. Well I came to tell you that I was back. I couldn't wait until tomorrow."

"Oh. Well welcome back!" Xander said. "I'll just leave you two alone." Xander said, walking out the door. He heard Willow say she missed him and then left. _What was I thinking? It's to late for her to change her mind._

Without you, there's no change  
My nights and days are gray  
If I reached out and touched the rain  
It just wouldn't feel the same

Without you, I'd be lost  
I'd slip down from the top  
I'd slide down so low  
Girl you'd never, never know

Xander walked down the street as it started to rain. He passed Buffy's house. Sitting in the living room was Joyce, sleeping in Giles's arms.

__

Without you, without you  
A sailor lost at sea  
Without you, woman

The world comes down on me

Without you in my life  
I'd slowly wilt and die  
But with you by my side  
You're the reason I'm alive  
But with you in my life  
You're the reason I'm alive  
But without you, without you...

Without you, my hope is small  
Let me be me all along  
You let the fires rage inside

Knowing someday I'd grow strong

Buffy slept in Spike's bed, his arms around her. He wasn't asleep, he was just watching here sleep.

__

Without you, without you  
A sailor lost at sea  
Without you, woman

The world comes down on me

Without you in my life  
I'd slowly wilt and die  
But with you by my side  
You're the reason I'm alive  
But with you in my life  
You're the reason I'm alive  
But without you, without you...

When Xander returned home to his basement, Cordelia was there. She didn't say anything to him. She kissed him, but he pulled away. He looked her in the eyes and then kissed her. He couldn't be with Willow.

_I could face a mountain  
But I could never climb alone  
I could start another day  
But how many, just don't know  
You're the reason the sun shines down  
And the nights, they don't grow cold  
Only you that I'll hold when I'm young  
Only you...as we grow old_

Without you in my life  
I'd slowly wilt and die  
But with you by my side  
You're the reason I'm alive  
But with you in my life  
You're the reason I'm alive  
But without you, without you...

Willow sat on here bed. She was crying.

Xander was sitting on his bed after having Cordelia leave. He picked up his phone to call Willow.

Willow picked up her phone. She placed it back down.

Xander placed his phone down. He laid back and stared at his ceiling.

Buffy woke up when she felt Spike staring at her. She turned over and kissed him, nuzzling closer to him. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

A/N:

Song- Without You by Motley Crue.


End file.
